MAKING FRIENDS AS AN ADULT
As a child, making friends often was as simple as asking your classmate on the school playground, “Do you want to be my friend?” You’re not alone in thinking that making friends was easier as children. This is because the school environment made it convenient for us to make friends through proximity as we saw our peers on a set schedule every weekday for nine months out of the year. This consistent routine of attending class and recess helped build a foundation for making connections where we could organically build camaraderie with one another. However, as adults, we tend to lose built-in spaces for socializing, making it more difficult to make new friends.
One of the few places built into our lives as adults to regularly interact with others is the workplace. Although it is possible to befriend your co-workers, you may not always have enough in common with them to connect outside of work. Because there aren’t as many places for adults to naturally socialize as there once were as children, many people stick to their friends from childhood, high school, and college, scared of branching out from their familiar social circle. While it is meaningful to maintain these long-standing friendships, you may also want to connect with people who share your new interests, goals, and values that you developed as an adult.
As we grow and discover these new versions of ourselves, it may feel scary to consider the prospect of making more friends as we may feel as though everyone already has friends and aren’t looking to expand their circle. However, a recent survey conducted by Evite (a social-planning website and online invitations company), uncovered that 45% of Americans would go out of their way to make new friends if they knew how to or had more opportunities. In essence, there are many people interested in making new connections, but in order to do so, you'll need to step outside your comfort zone and be intentional in the process.
If you’re wondering where to begin in making new friends, here are five ways to get started:
Join group activities centered on your hobbies and interests
By engaging in hobbies or interests that you like such as drawing or playing an instrument like the guitar, in communal spaces like classes or meetups, you increase your chances of meeting like-minded people. It’s helpful to find a group activity that meets on a consistent basis and that you show up regularly to as connections are built slowly over time. Repeated interactions with others can make it easier to make new friends due to the “mere-exposure effect”. This is the idea that the more we see someone, the more familiar they become to us and the more we tend to like them.
Attend structured events with opportunities for meaningful conversation
If you’ve ever attended an event in the hopes of meeting new people and found it hard to connect to others, it may be because the event didn’t have a specific purpose beyond “meeting new people” and didn’t design thoughtful activities or conversations for participants to bond. These types of events make it difficult to connect as they typically involve navigating crowds of people on your own like networking events. Instead, look for events that facilitate icebreakers with participants and offer opportunities for deeper conversations. These events attract people who value meaningful and thought-provoking conversations that go beyond small talk. While you don’t need to get deep with strangers right away, expressing vulnerability with others over time as you build trust with another helps build strong friendships.
Meet new people through your current friends
If the idea of going to social events on your own feels too overwhelming right now, start slowly branching out by asking your current friends to introduce you to their other friends. You could even host a “friends-of-friends” dinner to meet new people. Chances are you will have things in common with people your friends know as you may all share similar values. It will also be easier to connect knowing you have the comfort of your current friends nearby.
Use technology to expand your social circle
While frequent technology use can make people feel lonely, especially if it replaces in-person connection, it can also provide opportunities to meet people with similar interests who you may not have been able to meet otherwise. You can use apps like BumbleBFF that are designed for people to make new friends as it makes it easy to start conversations with others on your phone and plan in-person hangouts. You can also use the search engine of social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok to find accounts of organizations that plan events in your area and inform you of in-person meetups to attend like picnics and potlucks.
Host gatherings and create your own community.
This option may not suit everyone, but if you don’t see a group that fits your interests, you can start one! You can organize a meetup like a knitting circle, bookclub, monthly brunches or dinners, or another activity that you’re interested in (the ideas are endless). The benefit of being the host is that people who attend your gathering will greatly appreciate your organizing efforts and make it easier to make new friends.